Ask a Southern Lady

Dear Southern Lady,

What is a fake southerner? What is the general view of the southerner with regards to fake southerners? Do real southerners hate them?

A Brit Who Once Visited the South


Dear Brit,

All of these questions make the Lady dizzy! Most things in the South move slowly but surely, you see, and in the American south intelligence is sometimes a commodity best hoarded and brought out as needed. Your signature, however, has put The Lady in mind of another “Brit”, Ms. Britney Spears who is, as I am sure you and the rest of the planet know, one of our most notable Southern exports. It is on this jumping off point that The Lady will begin…of course, when jumping off the cow pond dock one must swim back to the original point of embarkation to avoid manure. If you were from the South you’d know this, though.

Now, the only place more conscious of a class than England is the American South. “Blood tells” as we like to say (under our breath with a smile so that we aren’t called snobs). One can tell when the poisoned barb is about to be shot through the proverbial straw because we will make a big To Do about coating that dart with sugar, usually with the words, as any wannabe Southern humorist will tell you, “Bless his/her heart”. The point is that a true Southerner will shoot him or herself in the foot (see earlier post about our love of guns) before we say something outright rude without being provoked. That, in a nutshell, is an example of how one can tell a fake southerner from the genuine article.

The Lady considers a “fake southerner” as someone who mimics the accent, the clothes, or the location without the geographic orientation. Most Southerners don’t mind this playacting in books, movies or television as long as it isn’t disrespectful. After all, the simple Southerner act has been getting us all work in the acting, literary, and music business since the 1950’s. All you have to do is look at Britney Spears to realize that a pretty face and a genuine southern accent will pretty much blind the world to the rest of your faults. What we dislike (because hate is a word used by Yankees and the ill bred) is when people use our regional eccentricities to make fun of us.

Respectfully Yours,
TSL